See, Agencies Do Help

This is a picture of the family last weekend at our home in Massachusetts. Yep, beach weather. Didn't use to have beachfront, but with all this warm weather, well, this was our lawn and forest last October. [Go property values.] Was it some quirk of nature? No way. In case you haven't noticed, since we've been advising Winter, things have gotten a lot better. This may go down as the warmest winter in recorded history… thanks to our ongoing counsel to the Old Man. We may go down as the greatest agency in history.

Actually, it validates the role of agencies everywhere. Good ones can be agents for positive change.

Of course, we may have gone too far. Some bees showed up last weekend. I heard that some cherry trees in DC are in blossom. Snow fell for the first time today in New York City… the latest date that's ever happened since about the day somebody bought the place for some pop beads. I overheard some folks in the grocery store this weekend complaining about how unnerving it all was. There's no pleasing some people.

Winter Weight

As the chill and darkness of winter descend, many of us turn to food for warmth and comfort. (Yea you! I can see you sneaking to the fridge for another piece of grandma’s cheesecake while you’re reading this…)
 
Unfortunately, the foods we favor in winter tend to be more calorically dense than the lighter foods we choose during the warmer months. In addition, deterred by inclement weather, some of us cut back on physical activities and burn fewer calories than when balmier days of summer invite us to spend time outdoors.

All of a sudden it’s the holidays – and guess what? Loosen the belt for more treats and sweets. Replete with the stress of too much to do and high-calorie temptations at every turn - you’ve become so fat that when the family has their picture taken, you’re the background.

However, winter cannot be at fault for this. Blame yourselves people! Self control – ever hear of it. If you don’t have that extra helping of cookies and egg nog it’s not the end of the world.

I say enjoy winter and the treats of the season in moderation. Don’t let them cause your belly to get so big that it jiggles when you brush your teeth – you’ll only undermine your health as well as your psyche.

Welcome Winter

Tell me you don't want to be right here in this picture right now, arm in arm, with someone who loves you and that you love back madly. This is a Tolstoy-grade love scene. This is, "Oh my gawd, I hope I haven't lost that diamond. I'm in the moment. I so love this person, this time of year, this scene."

Winter is the most romantic season. Don't deny it. You have to hug just to stay warm. Quilts. Comforters. Feety pajamas.

After you walk this walk, you go back to your apartment or home, put a fire in the fireplace, throw on some chestnuts from Europe, mix something wickedly toxic from the alcohol family, insert the Handel disc, and, well… the rest of the story is up to you.

You owe it all to Winter. It blows into town the 22nd. Welcome it. [Welcome the September babies, too?]

Love Winter. Winter loves you!

Lost Wonderment

File this under corny if you like. But I'm old. You can tell because I use words like corny. But what saves me from hopeless age and cynicism this time of year is my three and a half year old. Through her, I'm able to remember what Winter used to mean. If you're feeling down about the impending onset of Winter coming in a few hours, go find some children and hope it snows.

My daughter… her name is Her Majesty… sticks her tongue out to catch snowflakes. Admit it– you did that once, too. How you feel about the possibility of owning a Porsche, she feels about owning a new pair of boots. Having never proved for herself that the grass isn't gone for good under the snow, she digs down to see if it's there. She makes snow angels. She'll watch falling snow through the window for minutes on end, and for a toddler, that's like forever.

Snow is a massive mystical natural event of profound wonderment if you let yourself think about it. It's white; it falls slow; it accumulates; its moldable, edible (sort of), magical.

Welcome Winter. Children everywhere of all ages thank you again for dropping in. 

It’s so cold that…#6

Shania Twain covered her midriff

The 5 Best Things about Snow Balls

1. They hardly ever turn blue.

2. Add your favorite sno-cone flavor for the tasty treat of your choice.

3. They can get bigger when it snows which is the opposite of the usual shrinkage when things get cold.

4. White matches everything.

5. The biggest ones win.

The Bell Curve, Mortality

Winter takes a lot of hostages. It kills a few. It's the Bell Curve thing. It's not named after Dr. Bell, of course. It was invented by this guy, Carl Friedrich Gauss. But if you ask me, it could have been named in honor of the bells in the tall white steeples of New England churches that each autumn and winter ring for the ones who won't be here in Spring. But are they gone, really?

Buds are formed already on my forsythia bushes, ready for spring.

Winter reminds us that life is short. When I lived and worked in California it seemed to me everyone lived and worked as if life went on forever. In New England, thanks to Winter, we're reminded annually that time is running out.

Ice Follies

This is another accident of winter that is not the season's fault. Yo, Bubba, if you don't know how thick the ice needs to be to support your F150, stick to the roads or better yet, stay home? In a moment, I'll give you ice thickness guidelines from Sheriff Bud Olson and the Carver County Sheriff's Office. He and they ought to know… they're in Minnesota which is an Indian word meaning, "Men do damn fool things."  But first, here's my question: Once this happens way out there on Lake Ohschit, which was named after an Indian word meaning "Men do damn fool things," how does anyone get the vehicle back to safety? Suggestions anyone?

Now as promised: In addition to a general review of obvious winter driving concepts via the link above, Sheriff Bud says this about ice thickness:

— Generic rules for ice:

4 inches of new, clear ice is the minimum thickness for travel on foot.

5 inches of new, clear ice is minimum for snowmobiles and ATVs

8-12 inches of new, clear ice is minimum for cars and small trucks

Avoid driving on ice if possible.

Very Cool Farmers’ Almanac Blog

My wife planned our wedding date relying exclusively on the weather forecast in The Farmers' Almanac. They said the weather would be gorgeous. It was. Since then for every major household event in which weather could be a factor, the Almanac has been the final go-to authority. It's been right every time. Coincidence? Maybe.

Here's a link to a great blog. It is written principally it seems by Peter Geiger, Editor, Farmers' Almanac. The site doesn't offer permalinks, but if you can get to the post entitled Weather Predictions - A Battle of Epic Proportions it is a great read. For example, Geiger writes: This morning I was asked about acorns - one of my 20 Signs of a hard Winter. His answer actually isn't very nutty.

Meanwhile, the Almanac is calling for a cold winter. The National Weather Service says it will be mild. I say it'll be cool one way or the other no matter what.

Snowjob: a Pejorative That Must End

We and our client take offense to the continued use of the phrase "snowjob" to describe lies and coverups. Sure, snow covers things up, but it's a bunch of junk you should have picked up before winter arrived.

Check out this Wikipedia entry for the phrase. Look at the scandals in which the phrase "snowjob" has been used to describe human behavior. Note there is not one winter event on that list.

If people have decided that the expression "Washington Redskins" is inappropriate, then it is high time "snowjob" be removed from the vernacular. Snow kidding around…